Today would have marked the official beginning of the club soccer spring season. Alarms on my phone keep going off, reminding me of games that I was supposed to be at with my teams. Instead, I am stuck inside as I have been for the past three weeks.

My weekday routine used to be that I would get up in the morning, do some writing or reading, maybe play some video games, then get my admin work done for my club, followed by some exercise such as a bike ride or a walk. After that I would write out my training plans for my sessions and then head off to work, not returning until late in the evening. On the weekends it was all work, games on Saturdays and Sundays and then maybe some time visiting my family nearby. There was a comfort in knowing exactly what I would be doing at any given time during the week. My schedule was busy all seven days of the week but it was rewarding and I genuinely enjoy my busy life.

Then came COVID19 and the end of my comfortable schedule. The required social distancing put my job on hold indefinitely, clearing out my schedule. My schedule didn’t allow for much social interaction and I was fine with that as interacting with my players and their parents and my fellow coaches filled that void for the most part. Like the flip of a switch, all of that was gone, leaving me with nothing but time on my hands.

At first I didn’t mind the extra time. I tried to look at it as an extended “stay-cation” and kept myself busy with entertainment. I binged Netflix and read some short stories and spent a little more time than usual playing Final Fantasy XIV or something on my PS4. I tried to avoid the news as much as possible and tried to pretend this was my time off and everything would be back to normal in no time, knowing full well that was not the case.

Enter week 3 of social distancing and something new starts to happen: anxiety attacks. I wake up in the middle of the night, gasping for air and then spend the next hour pacing around my apartment. I am watching television and the next thing I know my chest is tight and I quietly reassure myself that I am fine for the next half hour or so. I am sitting at my computer and suddenly it feels like my throat is closing up, leading me to wash my face repeatedly with cold water for the next fifteen to twenty minutes. Woke up with a sore throat one morning, knowing full well it was because I took my CPAP mask off in the middle of the night, and then spent two hours trying to calm myself down and reassure myself that I did not have coronavirus.

These anxiety and panic attacks have become a daily occurrence for me. The fact of the matter is that none of us know how much longer the social distancing will be going on for. At the very minimum I will not be returning to work until mid-may due to moratoriums on training by the US Soccer and US Club Soccer organizations. That’s another month and change of dealing with these anxiety attacks on a daily basis, realistically longer than that. The entire thing is proving daunting and I am struggling to with it.

However, I know that I am not the only one struggling with this and I am hoping that maybe by sharing my struggles and how I work with them that I can help some people through their own fight with the anxiety brought on by social distancing. The first piece of advice that I can give that I have found helps me the most; talking about it. I spent about an hour on the phone with a friend the other day and was completely honest and said that I was struggling. Turns out that he was having a tough time with this as well and so was his wife. We chatted about why it was difficult for us and how we were coping and then said our farewells. I noticed immediately that some of the anxious weight on my chest was gone and had a fairly productive afternoon. Even as I sit here and write about it I am noticing that I am feeling less anxious as maybe someone who reads this will say, “yeah, I know that feeling.” There’s comfort in knowing that despite feeling alone that you truly are not alone.

I am ending this here with an invitation to contribute. Are you struggling with the social distancing right now or are you having anxiety over COVID19? If so, feel free to leave a comment and connect. If we all connect with one another, maybe we can help each other through this difficult and dark time. Let’s have a conversation and help each out.

Stay safe everyone!